You know, when I first came to Corcoran I came from Tehachapi. At Tehachapi I saw snow for the first time in my life. I'd look out the window at winter time and it was beautiful. I could see the mountains surrounding the prison, the deers, the rabbits, sometimes a squirrel or two and lots of pretty birds.

        Normally I'd look out at towers, fences and hills and think nothing other than, "I wish I could have went camping in my life-while I was out." How many of you went to camp with your school or family? I never got to do that. When it snowed at the prison, the snow would cover everything. We were still in prison; but, it was all so white outside and so peaceful. All I could think of was my wife, kids and my nephews/nieces. I thought about all my family and what they might be doing. I even wrote poems about the snow. But the sad part is, I'll never see that snow again, or the mountains. Nor will I ever go camping either 'cause I got life and 'cause I can't go back to that prison even if I wanted to.

        Now at this prison my dumb cell window is painted from the outside. So I can't see nothing except to tell if the daylight has turned to night. What a way to live huh? Gosh that saying could never be more true, "you never know what you got till its taken away." Bad part in my situation is, I don't think I'll ever get the chance to try again. What about you? You know I'm just talking with you 'cause I know you'll listen and try to understand. Even though I do not know any of you or what you're doing or where you're at. But what I do know is that I've been there and that's where it all started. And there's nothing any of you can tell me I ain't seen or done myself, with a few exceptions of course.

        I wanted to say something to respond to Angelina (issue 5.21) who wrote about herself and her pipe, and how she feels about her marriage? Angelina, I'm in the same boat as you are but with a couple og exceptions. I feel the pain you do. Life, unfaithfulness/loyalty. Hey, I want to tell you something as a friend Angelina, don't be so hard on yourself and just try to educate! The blame! It's really of no importance no more. You're like me, married with Life and the spouse has other priorities. Yeah, it hurts and it hurts deep. Don't let it turn into hate or bitterness. With this new life, I find it's best to talk. If we don't talk, it eats away at our hearts and mind. Marriage is supposed to be sacred in God's eyes.

        When people choose drugs and to be unfaithful, its due to the drugs. Drugs distort the way we'd think if we were "normal." Sex becomes need in the mind of an addict. When a man or woman is an addict, their heart belongs to the demon which is the drug they crave. They feel they need love, comfort and physical touch. When if they were in a normal state of mind and thinking correct, they would not be unfaithful and would always keep their priorities right. Meaning their marriage, family, kids, etc. Most drug users push away family because they can't get drugs there. They find so called friends who'll give them money, drugs, even sex if needed. The addict rebels against all that is good. What I'm saying is that marriage is two people who become one. If there was something wrong be it drugs or another partner (for whatever the reason) let it go.

        Let it go Angelina. I tell you all this 'cause it's what I tell myself. This life hurts. I've done time all my life. But three years ago when I got life, my heart got squeezed tight! As you, I reached out to my people and got no answers to tell me what to do. For the past three years Angelina its been hard to go on. We messed ours up but can we stop a few, even one from feeling as we do? Would you like to try? I am.

        I am grateful to have read your story in this book. It hit a spot in my heart that I had sealed up tight. Take this as a compliment. You remind me of my wife. Our situation is similar; but, she also has some cleaning up to do. I pray it's done before it's too late.

        I want to say to all the kids who read this: Drugs kill! If it don't, it for sure will alter your mind, grab hold of your heart and keep everything you love and care for out of your reach. But the bad part is, you'll want it that way! Drugs might numb your pains, might give you a rush, might make you feel good, but what it does the most is allow you to hurt the ones that love and care for you most, hurt yourself and hurt your future.

        Don't let demons get ahold of your heart! Say no to drugs. Angelina or whoever you are. You're not alone. Hang in there.